30 before 30 - march update

Well - 3 months in and as I look back over my list I honestly wonder what I was thinking when I put this together. Don't think all of this is going to happen before October 12, but I will do my best. I think that I need to focus on one task at a time and accomplish it and move on.

Here is the entire list again and everything that is complete is in pink. Not much, but its a start!

1. Walk a 5k

2. Run a 5k

3. Walk on the beach - DONE! March 15, 2011 in Puerto Rico.

4. See a parade

5. Ride a jet ski

6. Sail on a boat - DONE! March 18, 2011 in Puerto Rico.

7. Take a cooking class

8. Take a decorating class

9. Cook a 4 course meal

10. Use wedding china

11. Get C potty trained

12. Get C off his binky

13. Get off caffeine

14. Attend monthly "GNO" - DONE! w/ Michelle @ The Artful Bead & Gloria's.

15. Read 2 novels

16. Cook a large piece of meat

17. Finish scrap booking our 2008 cruise

18. Clean out closet and donate all clothes that don't fit

19. Organize master closet

20. De-clutter the study

21. Learn how to bake a tiered caked from Michelle

22. Get new eye glasses

23. Take a photography class

24. Take a romantic weekend trip with Chad

25. Get a couples massage

26. Plan a family vacation

27. Plant flowers in the front yard - DONE! March 27th!

28. Write about my infertility journey

29. Attend an art class- DONE! @ The Artful Bead making earrings!

30. Learn to use a sewing machine

Better luck to me next month:-)

'i would die for that'

I have recently been doing some research for work on celebrities who have undergone infertility treatments, specifically those who have used donor eggs and IVF to start their families. Dr L. wanted this information for some of our older patients, as most older celebrity pregnancies are glamorized so much you don't realize what is natural and not. For example, Marcia Cross from 'Desperate Housewives' conceived her twins via IFV from donor eggs.

During my research, I came across this music video from country singer, Kellie Coffey. She based her song, 'I Would Die For That', on her experiences with infertility. I have always found that music and certain lyrics always bring a peace around me and surround me with comfort during this very difficult time. I found this song to speak right to me and wanted to share.

'I Would Die For That' - By Kellie Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.

Went away one summer.

Came back with a secret

She just couldn't keep.

A child inside her,

Was just too much for her

So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision

Some find hard to accept.

To young to know that one day

She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.

Just to have one chance

To hold in my hands

All that she had.

I would die for that.

I've been given so much,

A husband that I love.

So why do I feel incomplete?

With every test and checkup

We're told not to give up.

He wonders if it's him.

And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,

Like everyone else I see.

And I won't understand it

If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.

Just to have one chance

To hold in my hands

All that they have.

I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like

To bring a dream to life.

For that kind of love,

What I'd give up!

I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,

With all that I've got,

And all I've achieved,

What I want most

Before my time is gone,

Is to hear the words

"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.

Just to have once chance

To hold in my hands

What so many have

I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like

To bring a dream to life.

How I would love

What some give up.

I would die ...

I would die for that.

excitement.... and dissapointment

The past few days I have been having the strangest symptoms. I have been super nauseated, my boobs have been hurting, I'm super moody and emotional, and so incredibly tired. So I decided to take a urine pregnancy test, which was negative. So yesterday we (we being my nurse and I) decided to draw a HCG quant pregnancy blood test and send it out for a same day STAT result.

The lab called a few hours later with an abnormal lab result for me and wanted to talk to the nurse. WHAT?!?! Abnormal? Abnormal on a pregnancy test would mean the numbers were high/out of range and that indeed I was pregnant!!!! I was sick - literally had to sit down, so excited, heart racing, head spinning!! After 17 months of trying was I really pregnant with no infertility treatments this month?!?! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The long and the short of the story - the lab tech didn't know what abnormal was for an HCG quant. My levels were under 2, which is normal in a non-pregnant female!! It was not abnormal at all - and so not prego! Ugg - it killed me because for 10 seconds it was the most exciting time ever - almost as exciting as the time the Dr told me that I was pregnant with Corbin after years of trying.

And now that feeling is gone - just like that. I want that feeling back. Maybe someday. Not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even next month - but hopefully sometime in the near future.

Yesterday was so full of excitement - yet so full of disappointment -

30 before 30 - february update

I'm always so thankful when my dear friend Michelle does her 30 Before 30 update for the month, as it always reminds me to do mine as well. Thanks, Michelle:-)

3. Walk on the beach - I will be in Puerto Rico 2 weeks from today!!!!

11. Get C potty trained - YAY! I have a big boy! He's going in the potty 2-3 times a day and in pull-ups! Almost there:-)

14. Attend monthly "GNO" - this did not happen in February - March is already booked with Michelle, though!

15. Read 2 novels - I have purchased both and look forward to starting one in PR! I will let you know which ones and how they are going next month!

17. Finish scrap booking our 2008 cruise - Getting ready to send out an evite for a scrap booking night at my house - watch your email!

26. Plan a family vacation - We have decided that we are going to Coronado, CA for the 4th of July.

28. Write about my infertility journey - you have been reading it. I did find a few journal entries from when we were trying to conceive C - I will be posting them soon:-)

Well - there its is! Not all that much progress, but I will chalk it up to a short month and bad weather!! Hopefully March 2011 will be more productive!