keeping the faith -

so, as you saw from my mother's day post, IUI #4 was a FAIL!!! it’s been a really rough few weeks. it’s been a long 20 months of trying for this yet to be conceived baby. it’s hard when you want something so bad and you can't have it as easily as everyone else around you. each day brings a different trial, but i also realize how blessed i am to have my health and my amazing family!

i had written this completely other entry for today’s post, but things have drastically changed in the last 24 hours.  it will be ok – i just have to keep believing that.  it is what it is and i will take it and go with it as there is nothing else I can do.

HERE IS THE ORIGINAL POST (WHAT I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU):

as of today, the next step has begun and we are now on the journey of In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). WOW! never thought those words would cross my vocabulary in reference to myself and creating a "petri dish" baby. but, here we are. our insurance called last week and told me that i was approved for the procedure! HUGE blessing since all of these treatments are extremely expensive!

i start on my birth control pills in a few weeks to suppress all my hormones, start my lupron on july 22 and all my other stimulation meds on july 30. i have an estimated egg retrieval on august 11 and embryo transfer on august 16. so nervous and so excited all at the same time.

HERE IS THE REAL POST (WHAT I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO TELL YOU):

i had my hCG labs drawn on Wednesday, and of course it was negative.  we were going to start provera to jump start my cycle to start all my meds, but since there is a national shortage of pure lupron, its better to take a step back indefinitely.  although there is compounded lupron, most dr's don't think that is the best option for me at this point.  so here we are – no end in sight anymore – we just wait.

i was pretty upset last night.  i was so excited that we had a date set and i knew what we were going to be expecting the next month or two.

so, I have decided that i’m going to try to keep myself busy with focusing on running a 5k, something that I have on my ’30 before 30’ list to do.  i figure most of my posts the next few months will be about my training and weight loss journey with pcos, which is a whole different ball game since i’m insulin resistant.  but, i’m determined and motivated to focus on something else for a while!

…and who knows, maybe that will aid in conceiving a baby on our own!