17 and counting -

the past year has brought happiness and joy for 17 of my friends!!  17?  yes, 17.  that is how many birth announcements i have gotten in the mail over the last year.  to say that i get sad a little each time i get one would be wrong, but it does make me long for what others have.  i can’t help but be happy for them: small little hands and feet, sweet button noses, adorable older siblings kissing their small little heads, naked little bottoms wrapped in blanket – oh i could gush all day!  so as sad as i feel about my personal situation, i can’t and don’t let what they are experiencing get me down.  its just their time to be happy and blessed, and while i get to experience and share in that with them, it is hard to sit and wait while i ride out the storm.

so, i choose joy – joy in my journey!

the dark side to this is that for some of these friends/acquaintances, they no longer ask how i am doing.  most probably don’t want to hear about how hard it is,  the daily struggles emotionally, physically, and financially that i have to deal with.  and since they have so much going on now days, why would they want to add one more thing to their plates??  guess the conversation always turns to negativity, and for that i can not apologize – unfortunately it just is my life.  i have to say that is the one thing that stinks about life stages – you can be right on track with dear friends for a short while, then someone gets derailed.  in this case, it was me/us – because my “body doesn’t work right”  (and yes, a friend really did say that to me).

so, i choose joy – join in my journey!

as much as it saddens me that i will be the only one at my son’s birthday party next month without a baby on my hip (minus one dear friend who by choice wants an only child), i have to realize that there is a season for everything.  what if blessings come through tears?

i will continue to pray for blessings.

i will continue to pray for healing.

i will continue to pray for Your mighty hand to heal my suffering.

i will continue to pray for Your mercies in disguise.

i will continue to pray for wisdom.

i will continue to pray for the trials of this life; the rain, the storms, the hardest nights.

i will continue to pray for joy – joy in my journey that YOU have placed before me!!!

(inspired by “blessings” by laura story – see previous blog post on her song)