lessons learned

If there is one thing that I have learned the past few days, it’s that I don’t want to be insensitive to other friends who are struggling with infertility if/when I get pregnant.  I know that it will be the most exciting time ever for me, and probably a little scary too hoping that I don’t miscarry, or even shocking to think that after almost 2 years of trying for another child that I actually am pregnant. 

I have been the friend on the other side this week.  This week I’m the one crying because I never thought that I would have to actually face the reality that they are pregnant and I am not since we have been on this journey together for a year together now.  I am so incredibly happy for my dear friend on her long desired pregnancy!  I’m so glad that I was the one she called when she found out that she was pregnant!!  I hope that I can be the support and friend that she needs to be to help her with her joys, her anxieties, her fears, and excitements!

I know this time should be a time all about her and how she is feeling, but please allow me to be selfish for just a moment….. what about how I’m feeling? At what point do I get to stop being strong for a moment and just let down my guard – let myself realize that its all going to be ok no matter what?  I want to be that person who is sensitive to both sides.  I know that I will be excited for me, but I also want to make sure that my infertile friends are ok to.  It’s a very emotional time for us too – another friend pregnant and realizing that I’m still the only one not pregnant.  Whew!  If anyone knows that journey, that is me over the last year an a half!!

I’m not upset.  I’m not discouraged.  I’m not jealous.  I’m not even uncomfortable in the newly created situation.  I just feel alone – like I have lost a friend who once understood where I was coming from and what I felt.  I feel like its now it’s the “you will understand when you are pregnant” mentality.  That’s what hurts the most.

So new lesson learned: I will rejoice in my excitement when the day comes, but I will be sensitive to the feeling of others, just as I would hope they would do for me.  A little like the Golden Rule, huh?

And now I will have a large glass of red wine and enjoy the evening with my blessingJ  Who needs to be pregnant when you have your little man next to you watching Diego and a drink in hand?? – Haha!  (There is my “im trying to be ok” coping mechanism!!)