change of heart

Why can't I just be happy with all I have been blessed with?? I keep going back and forth, up and down. One day I convince myself that I am totally content with my miracle baby that I have been blessed with- then the next day I'm wanting another child so desperately. I have been praying and praying that God would reveal His plan- but I think all I am doing is telling Him I'm impatient and I don't like His plans (and frankly, sometimes I don't). But it's a waiting game- 

My husband told me the other night that he didn't think he wanted anymore children. He said I have already given him all he could ever want and he wants to be able to financially provide for C. He also doesn't want to miss another little one grow up since he has been consumed with law school and work. I understand  all of his concerns, but at what point do I get what I want? (yes, this is me being selfish!)

If someone asked me what I was going to be when I grew up when I was a little girl it was one of two things- an astronaut or a mommy! At this point I think it would be easier to become an astronaut!!  Becoming a mommy shouldn't be this hard for someone who wants it more than anything!

So I will continue to pray. Pray that big C can explain to me so I can understand his change of heart. Pray that I continue to have strength to carry on day after day. Pray that God reveals his path someday somehow. Pray that I can be content knowing the Lord has a great plan. Pray that I stay focused as there are somedays I want to run so far away from my faith. Pray that "through Him, all things will give me strength."