glory baby

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..

You were growing, what happened dear?

You disappeared on us baby…baby..

Heaven will hold you before we do

Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…

Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday

Miss you in every way

But we know there’s a

day when we will hold you

We will hold you

You’ll kiss our tears away

When we’re home to stay

Can’t wait for the day when we will see you

We will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you

‘till mom and dad can hold you…

You’ll just have heaven before we do

You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to

understand it ‘cause we’re hurting

We are hurting

But there is healing

And we know we’re stronger people through the growing

And in knowing-

That all things work together for our good

And God works His purposes just like He said He would…

Just like He said He would…

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies

and what they must sound like

But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home

And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

"Glory Baby" – Watermark

Today was the due date of our little one that we lost at 6 weeks in June 2010. Praising Jesus that He has taken this little one home to be with Him and trusting that He will fill out hearts and lives with another child to love and nurture to grow in Him soon!

love deeply, live lightly

My dear friend Jessica sent me this blog the other day as a source of comfort. I was so thankful that others are willing to share their journey with infertility struggles.

I don't think that I realized until after reading a few times over how moving the words that Sarah, the blog author, wrote. All the words are just perfect - perfect in every way!

"This is not the road I would have chosen. These are not experiences I would wish on anyone. Yet, through the events of the last 18 months I have learned more about who I am and who God is than ever before."

Don't think that I could have said that anymore perfectly. This infertility struggle in my life has been the hardest thing that I have ever been through. I don't wish it on anyone. But I am more confident now than ever that God has an amazing plan for our life and I am finally willing to accept it and wait for His lead.

"I am entitled to nothing and nothing I own is truly mine. Walking in freedom, though it is freedom I must surrender to, makes me more alive and more of who God created me to be than walking in fear with fists clinched tight.

Finally and above all, I have realized how deeply the truth of God penetrates and propels my life.

And the truth is that God is good.

God has been good.

God will be good.

God is still good.

No matter what comes. No matter what goes.

God is good."

Words more powerful than any statement I could ever make! I am accepting it as my own and knowing that there is healing in surrendering to the Lord.  I can admit, I have struggled immensely! There are days I want to give up on Him and my faith and walk away from knowing there is something greater, but I won't. As Sarah states in her post, "God is Good!" And in time there will be healing and strength.

AMEN!

30 before 30 - january update

I figure I would do a monthly update like my other sweet friends who are doing their '30 Before 30' as well!!

1. Walk a 5k - cancelled to do the CowTown 5k on Feb 26th - this month is too crazy! Hope to get rescheduled soon!!

3. Walk on the beach - Puerto Rico trip is booked for March 14-19!!!!

9. Cook a 4 course meal - Dinner Party @ the Hill's has been rescheduled from Feb 26th to April, but we are still doing it!!!

13. Get off caffeine - going, but not well. Cut down to 2 servings a day this month.

14. Attend monthly "GNO" - January done! It was more of a girls afternoon out w/ Michelle and Steffi for Wine @ Brio in Southlake.

15. Read 2 novels - I have ordered 2 and look forward to starting them on my trip to PR!

18. Clean out closet and donate all clothes that don't fit - started this process, still have a long way to go!

30 before 30

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Can't believe that I haven’t blogged in forever! What a busy beginning to a new year:-) But I know that 2011 is already going to be so much better than 2010 was.

So, along with my friends Steffi & Michelle, I do have taken on the 30 before 30 challenge.  I have 9 months to complete these items on my list. Hoping that I can do it:-)

1. Walk a 5k - scheduled to do the CowTown 5k on Feb 26th.

2. Run a 5k

3. Walk on the beach - going to Puerto Rico for spring break in March!

4. See a parade

5. Ride a jet ski - hope to do this in PR with my hubby!

6. Sail on a boat - maybe PR - I think I put too many water activities on here for living in the middle of TX!

7. Take a cooking class

8. Take a decorating class

9. Cook a 4 course meal - Dinner Party @ the Hill's is set for Feb 26th (yes, the same day as my 5k) - Steffi is hosting the formal dinner party, as that was part of her 30 before 30, and Im cooking!

10. Use wedding china

11. Get C potty trained

12. Get C off his binky

13. Get off caffeine

14. Attend monthly "GNO"

15. Read 2 novels

16. Cook a large piece of meat

17. Finish scrap booking our 2008 cruise

18. Clean out closet and donate all clothes that don't fit

19. Organize master closet

20. De-clutter the study

21. Learn how to bake a tiered caked from Michelle

22. Get new eye glasses

23. Take a photography class

24. Take a romantic weekend trip with Chad

25. Get a couples massage - in Puerto Rico??

26. Plan a family vacation

27. Plant flowers in the front yard

28. Write about my infertility journey - a work in progress - stay tuned for more updates soon!!

29. Attend an art class- painting or pottery

30. Learn to use a sewing machine

So there ya have it - in writing and I’m determined to get it all done by October 12, 2011!! More updates to come!

moving on - again!

Well, IUI #3 was a fail as well. I was supposed to go for all my labs this morning to determine if I was pregnant or not, but I started my period last Thursday instead. It was a rough day. Not only that, but it was my last day at my job, so it made for an emotional day!! And coming off all the hormone medications don't help - I'm a negative Nancy and a sad Sandy, all at the same time!!

So, time to move on. It’s been a long 14 months with 10 failed fertility treatments to date. We are going to take a break for a few months. I’m emotionally and physically drained.

We have ordered all the meds to do our first IVF (in-vitro fertilization) in the early spring, but we can always change our minds once we get there. The great part is working for my fertility specialist, she is going to waive all the professional fees - that's a huge $$ saver! Such a blessing if we decide to go that route.

I was watching Giulianna & Bill today on TV though, and IVF scares me now! She had so many problems with her egg retrieval and wound up being in the hospital for days - yikes! I know there is risk with any procedure, but that is just scary!

Anyway - we had a blessed Christmas and I have been reminded just how important and special Corbin is to me. He truly is my miracle baby and a blessing more than words can say!

take 3

I went to Dr Lawrence's on Friday and she said based on the sonogram that we were ready for our next insemination. That afternoon I took oral estrogen to build the lining of my uterus so it was nice and "cushy" for the embryo to implant and then I did my HCG trigger injection that night. 36 hours later, - Sunday @ 9am (yesterday) - we did IUI #3 and praying that 3rd time is a charm. I have prayed to God that His will be done, whatever that maybe - baby or not. The next two weeks will be a long wait again, but also hoping that with the holiday's I don't have time to think about it. We will find out on Monday, December 27th if we are pregnant. It would be the best Christmas present ever, but like I said, its whatever God has planned for us that we will accept.

hello december!

We are a go for IUI #3 sometime next week. I started all my injections and meds again last Thursday and I have my first sonogram this Friday. This will be our final fertility treatment as we are about financially capped out. We will either try again when Chad graduates law school in May 2012 or adopt at that time. We will see where the Lord leads us. For now, here is praying that 3rd time is a charm!!

AND - HUGE NEWS!!! I got a new job! I wasn't looking - it really just fell into my lap and I couldn't be more excited. I have loved working for my brother-in-law the last 6 years. Being in the medical field has been such a blessing and has really opened doors for me. Dr Lawrence, my fertility specialist, called me and told me that she wanted me to be her Practice Manager. It did take a lot of thought and consideration, more because I was scared of change than anything else, but last Tuesday I decided that this was the right decision for me and my family at this time. I start with her of January 3 and will finish out this month with Family Centered Medical Group and help get the new Practice Manager trained and stable!

If you had asked me 6 months ago to take a position where lots of women were getting pregnant and I wasn't - there was no way that I could have done it. Being a patient of Dr Lawrence and having PCOS in common with her has been such a support for me. I know that God is putting me in her office for a reason, even if to minister to other women who are struggling and fertility treatments may not be working for them as well. I see it as an opportunity to grow and nurture, to teach and help, and I can't wait!!!